I REALLY Want to Make a Change. So Why Can’t I?
Have you asked yourself this question? I have. Many times, with increasing frustration.
Two Robbins and a Fogg Walk Into a Change Seminar…
BJ Fogg, a leading behavior scientist at Stanford University, advises change seekers to create tiny habits and make change gradually. Tony Robbins, a world renown motivational speaker, says define your outcome and purpose; then take MASSIVE action. Mel Robbins (unrelated to Tony as far as I know), a national speaker on getting unstuck, uses the 5 second rule to propel herself into action. Who’s right? They all are. And they are all missing a key step prior to taking any of these actions.
Lasting Change Needs this Oft-Missed Step
Forget Chaucer and The Canterbury Tales; I’m pretty sure April Fool’s Day is the final milestone of straggling New Year’s Resolutions taking their last, feeble breath. That’s because humans are way more complex than simply strong-arming a change through pure willpower to make it stick long term. We don’t take the time to understand why we are not changing before devising action strategies to make the change. It’s a set-up for failure that works almost every time.
Your Psyche is a Well-Armed Foe
Your psyche is just too smart to succumb to such Pollyanna attempts at change that fulfill your ambitions or desires to improve yourself. No matter how much we sincerely want to change, this is not the subconscious’ first rodeo. It’s rolled its eyes at our naïve attempts to cajole and strong-arm our desired change. It’s very good at keeping us safe from making ourselves vulnerable, uncomfortable or from outright harm.
The Key is in Why You are NOT Changing
We need to understand why we are NOT changing before we can understand the–tiny or massive–actions TO take to make a change and maintain it long term. It takes some undoing of the old ways of being to make way for a new mindset.
Well That Seems Like Two Steps Back
It’s not a backwards step. It’s a missing step in almost every person’s change journey I’ve encountered. We think because we logically know how to make the change, we can easily accomplish it. Remember that being complex part I mentioned earlier? Let’s say you want to share your new ideas at work.
Logically all you have to do is speak up. Maybe you write out the idea so you are prepared to present it out loud. And then just do it.
You’ve got this. But you don’t.
Why? That answer lies in what you believe about sharing your ideas. Do you think your ideas are so ‘out there’ that you just might be crazy after all and you will confirm that suspicion with your boss, coworkers, community, family or friends? THAT is making all your careful planning, strategies, motivation and willpower bend, wilt and fizzle before your eyes.
There is a way forward
Immunity to Change is a book that has revolutionized my approach to change for myself and my clients. Not only did it call out this misstep and provide a lightbulb moment for me. It also gave a practical, repeatable process to achieve change that I could not achieve before finding this book and its method. At least not as consistently and as long-term.
There are many ways to learn this methodology. You can read the book or attend their training like I did. Or, I can help you walk through the process step-by-step. It’s not complicated, but it takes some thought-filled work to approach change differently than you probably have in the past. Having a guide, a buddy or sometimes both have helped me and my clients. And I’d love to help you. You can check out my video here to see if my course Your Personal Blueprint for Change is right for you.